My answer to the question “where would you most like to work?” is the same as to the question “what’s your favourite dog?” Chocolate lab.
‘I just need like two minutes!’
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I’m not against half naked men.
At least not as often as I’d like to be.
Uber, but they come and pick up people that don’t stop talking.
can u cough for me please?
i see i see. i’m afraid you have a cough
“what would you say is your biggest achievement is to date”
“I once wore a hat to bed and it was still on in the morning”
[first day as doctor]
ME: *holding patient’s hand* I have some bad news
PATIENT: what is it
ME: I amputated the wrong hand
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I always take my kids on vacation during drug awareness week…because there’s just some things they should learn from their dad.
OBAMA: your resume says you think of the “best nicknames?”
ME: that’s right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns*
OBAMA: [softly] holy shit
“I’m dreaming about mashed potatoes”
Oh because Thanksgiving is tomorrow
“No, just a normal mashed potato dream like usual”