@mandysparklerxo

I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won’t be renewing my lease.

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@lmegordon

My daughter keeps saying there’s no such thing as a mistake in the kitchen, which is just so adorably wrong.

@ericsshadow

[at my high school reunion]

Hey guys, remember last year when we toilet papered Mrs. Krebb’s house?

“Dude that was in 1991.”

@TheCleftonTwain

WHAT ARE WE?

Writers!

WHAT ARE WE WRITING?

Snacks!

WAIT, WHAT?

Snacks first, THEN writing!

No, wait, coffee/tea too!

Maybe a nap beforehand!

THEN WRITING?

No, then Twitter

THEN WRITING!

Too late! Time for bed! Writing tomorrow

#amwriting
#writerslife
#writingcommunity

@parsfarce

me: make food to eat

chefs: make food to make money to buy food

am I the only smart one on this website????

@LaLuchaNix

[Pulling brother’s life support plug]
*whispers in ear*
“This is for that time you cheated at Monopoly.”

@MandaDeen

I instantly feel horrible when I judge someone, so I stopped.

Now I make rational conclusions based on insightful observations.

@MarfSalvador

me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster

gf: you know you could have just taken a photo

@Marlebean

I must be an amazing singer… My daughter is so moved by the music, she’s rocking and crying in the corner.

@lazerdoov

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am both kind AND weak. I’d like you to recognize them individually.