Don’t give people who sneeze loudly the attention they crave.
I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.
You Might Also Like
Back off. I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.
Them: You seem nice.
Me: Really? Try driving slowly in front of me.
Nicki Minaj is my favorite teletubby
me: why won’t these goldfish take my bait?
friend: they’re koi.
me: aww don’t be shy little fishies.
I touch myself when I think of you.
It’s a facepalm, but I am thinking of you.
I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.
For lunch today I ate three lunches.
I love English because Debut is closer to Review than Debit.
I wish Jehovah Witnesses were Jojoba Witnesses and they only stopped by to watch you put on their complimentary hand cream.