Everyone fondly remembers the ’80s until you take away their cell phones.
I just ran into my friend Sue. She introduced me to her second husband. I said “I wouldn’t have picked him first either.”
You Might Also Like
this is me
satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF H-
me: wow you’re tall
me: how tall are you?
satan: i dunno like 6’6”, 6’11” with the horns?
me: [twirling hair] omg “with horns”! you are SO funny
I’d like to thank the spider that descended from the bill of my baseball cap for getting me motivated today.
I doubt anyone’s actually “dying” from seeing a cute baby picture on FB, but we can always dream.
Signs he might be cheating:
1- He has a wife
2- You’re not his wife
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Scientists discover that Jupiter’s moon, Europa, may be suitable for human habitation. When asked to comment Jupiter stated, “Oh, hell no.”
i forgot my date’s name so i took her to Starbucks