I just misspelled a word so bad that auto correct blew milk out its nose.
I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that’s God’s Way of saying “Nope”.
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SCIENTIST: I want you to meet my robot
SCIENTIST: He has limited functionality. He can’t hold a conversation or express emotion
SCIENTIST: I was talking to the robot
Please has anyone figured out what we should be doing while people are singing happy birthday to us?
Out of all the cookies in the world, these HTTP cookies taste the worst.
If I had a time machine I would go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really said the things she’s told me I forgot…
This guy poured his box of raisinets directly into his bag of popcorn at the movie counter. After my initial shock I bowed to him.
BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen.
“Why yes, that scale is accurate”
A collection of horror stories
*Takes off clothes
*Enters meeting room naked
*Coworkers gasp in horror
*Slowly backs out of room
[whispers] “you said debriefing”
Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.