I just ruined my 5 year olds’ entire life by using the wrong shade of yellow for the sun

Yay parenting

You Might Also Like


The only thing worse than getting caught sneaking alcohol into the house by your wife is being called amateur by your teen son.



GUIDE: Octopuses are sensitive to camera flash so please turn off…ma’am don’t flash the octopus

ME: [pulls shirt back down] ok


*tries several times to connect to the internet using a dial-up modem*
*reaches #1 on the dubstep charts*


Wife: I said any fantasy, I wore the police uniform! Isn’t that enough?

Me: Say the words

Wife: Ok… sir, I have bad news about your wife


idk who needs to hear this but if you ever need to move a lamb over a wall, here u go


Netflix has such a dead movie selection, no wonder half the time everyone just starts having sex instead


I’ve got a black eye, a $200 fine and I’ve been listed on a register…turns out taking candy from a baby wasn’t so easy after all.


If you wondered if I was on the naughty list this year, I should probably tell you that the best gift I got was a packing peanut.