I just saw a lady jogging backwards. You go, girl…or you just went…or here you come. I don’t know which direction I’m going with this.

You Might Also Like


Just replaced the cat litter with 44 packages of pop rocks…

And now we wait.


Of course he’s into you. He’s just super-duper busy, messaging other chicks.


Diary, day 1: I’m in the gang, but the guys didn’t want my mom to join

Day 2: Friendship bracelets don’t count as bling

Day 3: They found my diary. I’m out of the gang


Me (digging a hole): how’s this?
My clone: at least 6 feet deeper
Me: you sure there’s treasure?
My Clone: toss me up your keys bud


My family keeps bringing up my felony like I’m afraid to commit another one.


I haven’t been to the gym in months. I wonder if all the pudding cups in my locker have spoiled?


After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)



-The house is on fire
-The cops are about to kick down the door
-Or you’re ordering food

Do NOT talk to me while I’m on the toilet


I watched DJ Khaled on SNL and I still have absolutely no idea what it is he does exactly.