I just saw a man delivering pizza in a Hummer…
I wonder if he is reevaluating some of his life choices right now?

You Might Also Like


My kid asked why we eat so much bacon so I told him it’s a vegetable


Me: the most important thing when wearing a mask is that it covers your mouth and nostrils

Batman: oh no


I threw up my hands in disgust last night.

Knew I shouldn’t have eaten them.


From the looks of this gas station bathroom, I missed an alien autopsy by 10 minutes.


When a child loses a tooth, some parents put a dollar under their pillow. Other parents leave a book called, “Your Disintegrating Body.”


Everyone talks about how good car sex is while I’m still over here trying to have sex with a person first.


How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?


Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?