@thatUPSdude

I just seen a kid yell at his dad and tell him “No jerk!”

I yelled at my dad once when I was 12, then I woke up and I was 16.

You Might Also Like

@CantWaitToNap

I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.

*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*

@CulturedRuffian

No thanks Facebook Live, if I wanted to see people doing stupid things in real time I’d just go visit my family.

@John_M15

The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?

@better_off_dad2

14: ‘What’s an inheritance?’

Me: ‘Nothing you need to worry about, really.’

@BlindChow

Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom’s friend Frank, the fork living next door.

@brianbooone

You know when two cops park their cars facing opposite directions so they can talk to each other through their driver-side windows? That’s called a 6-9-1-1.

@TheAlexNevil

The straw that broke the camel’s back was either an exceptionally large straw or that camel had some serious osteoporosis.

@junejuly12

Wow my pants are really loose today

*skips to the nearest vending machine*

@TheRealRHB

As my friend Joe’s last wish I had him cremated and sprinkled his ashes into the coffee pots at work..all morning everyone had a cup of Joe

@DurtMcHurtt

I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment.