“Paper or pl..”
..astic! OMG we finish each other’s sentences! You complete mmmm…
“I’m not saying ‘me'”
ME! OMG we did it again!
I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.
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My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that
Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out “DEAR GOD MY BACK!”
[first day as a tsa agent]
me: arms up
me: [hugs him] you have a great flight
“Do you ever get the feeling you’re being watched?”
[from the bushes]
I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I’m a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight
If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don’t be rude. Take a little bite.
Me: Wow, I would pay to see that.
Theatre Ticket Office: Yes Sir, that’s the general idea.
[Meeting girlfriend’s parents]
Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks!
<Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up.