@copymama

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

You Might Also Like

@JCWisdomNuggets

“Paper or pl..”

..astic! OMG we finish each other’s sentences! You complete mmmm…

“I’m not saying ‘me'”

ME! OMG we did it again!

“…”

@WorkingMom86

My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that

@wendchymes

Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out “DEAR GOD MY BACK!”

@Shen_the_Bird

[first day as a tsa agent]

me: arms up

guy: [t-pose]

me: [hugs him] you have a great flight

@AndyAsAdjective

“Do you ever get the feeling you’re being watched?”

[from the bushes]
“No”

@chrissyteigen

I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I’m a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight

@Supafunkadunka

If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don’t be rude. Take a little bite.

@Daveastated

Me: Wow, I would pay to see that.

Theatre Ticket Office: Yes Sir, that’s the general idea.

@UniqueDude2

[Meeting girlfriend’s parents]
Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks!
<Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>

@Brianhopecomedy

It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up.