@caithuls: I just sneezed and made direct eye contact with my dog and we somehow didn't switch bodies wtf disney??
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@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.
@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.
@Parkerlawyer: Waiting on this storm is like waiting on your mom to get home when you're in trouble. You know she's pissed, you just don't know HOW pissed
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know.