@CrockettForReal
if you ever think that you’re having a bad day just remember, there once was a lady who lived in a shoe
@sheseemslegit
“I just talk a lot when I’m nervous.”
-Narrator: In reality, she talked a lot, all the time.
You Might Also Like
@CrockettForReal
@TheTobbie
I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEBODY WOULD BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-oh, never mind, I found it…
@Tommytoughstuff
[Murder mystery dinner]
ACTOR: The inn keeper was found mutilated in a broom closet.
ME: (from the back of the room) When’s dinner?
@brianbowman73
25 more pounds to lose and I’ll be ready to be seen at my gym.
@mommajessiec
Him: I should of told you I loved you a long time ago.
Me: *starts crying* It’s should have.
@tastefactory
I don’t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you’re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year’s party, hope you had fun dude.
@seamussaid
this may be difficult to process but the real reason nana had plastic on her furniture was because she was a mob assassin
@minafisheyes
Facebook sent me a notification….unfortunately, my meth lab on Farmville blew up.
@capnwatsisname
Me: what I’m saying is I don’t just hungry hippos you. I hungry hungry hippos you.
Priest [whispering to bride]: it’s not too late to do the traditional vows