I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant.
Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival.
I just think of unfollowers as me paying my Follower Tax.
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Hair in bun=housework
Hair in ponytail=oral sex
Body language is important-So he doesn’t get excited when I’m about to 2 scrub the toilet
Have you ever considered shaving that beard and gluing it to your bald spot?
Oh! You meant a question about the job position!
Mom: Aww she is having so much fun!
Child (blowing bubbles and popping them): I CREATE AND DESTROY. I AM A GOD.
the song firestarter, but it’s about my cooking skills
I wonder if whiskey thinks about me too.
“No! Don’t go into the church! Nooo!”
“Honey, what movie are you watching?”
“Our wedding video.”
if you think you’re having a bad day, i just saw a guy wearing the lower half of a big bird suit walking down the side of the freeway with a gas can.
*Opens a window and the wind blows 42 corndogs from my desk.*
“Oh no! My research!!”
I was getting fed up at my job and was considering quitting but they’ve upgraded the toilet paper in the office restroom so I’m good now.