@Divergentmama: I just took a DNA test turns out I'm 100% a passive aggressive mom but if you called once in awhile you would know that.
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@delusionaliam: Turns out, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire's heart works even if a guy is not a vampire.
@Sanbel11: Police officer: Have you had anything to drink? Me:No PO:Ok, blow into here Me:But there are no candles PO:Ma'am please get out of the car
@PinkCamoTO: You think you have it rough? I'm playing hangman with a 6yo who can't spell.
@jackiembouvier: If by "morning person" you mean I wake up at 4 am staring into the inky blackness imagining horrific outcomes then yes I'm a morning person.
@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit
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