I just took an IQ test and apparently I’m a Libra?

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All of Star Wars is basically just about flying through different kinds of canyons. The plot is only there to create reasons to fly through canyons


“I don’t want a boyfriend.” -woman who wants a boyfriend who isn’t me


Dude on tv just said, “Where there’s fat, there’s flavor.”

He was talking about food, but I took it as a compliment.


*uses a selfie stick to selfie with my new friends in the police lineup*


Are you okay?
Did you take your cold medicine?
Umm yes
Why are you so nervous?
I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions


Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.


Me: You secretly can’t wait until I die so you can eat my face.

Cat: Secretly? No.


Apparently the owners of Aldi and Lidl were really brothers. Presumably Aldi was the alder one and Lidl the Lidl one.