“Dad, where do zebras come from?”
Well son, when a referee loves a horse very much
I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition.
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“So, I heard you work at the circus.”
[shallows bread stick whole] Nope.
“You sure about that?”
[chewing on glass] Yup
Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles
*first day as a conductor
*the orchestra is confused
Wait…you said JAZZ hands? Oh god. I totally misheard you. Please get me a towel.
[At a bar]
Guy: Did it hurt?
G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.
Him: This fish is too fishy.
Me: How’s your water? Too wet?
Try to not fall in love with me, neighbors who can hear me spring cleaning at 4am.
[getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot]
“I know you’re not really an armadillo”
Date: Sing me something
Me: ♫ Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeeee ♫
*banner plane flies by with “we should see other people”