How I’d get arrested…
I just want to be rich enough to stop giving people toilet paper for Christmas
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you question the benefit of a $1000 stimulus payment and I challenge you to name a problem 1k donuts can’t solve
Objection your honor! He’s badgering the witness lmao
*Courtroom erupts in laughter*
Badger: Ok seriously I’m a lawyer and deserve respect
The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man.
Good things come to those who wait, except for those who wait for the bus.
Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle
[Octagon player struts on stage]
Triangle player: “What the-“
Me: Waking up in the morning is so difficult
Bacon: Here, lemme help you with that
If you can’t spell, we can’t hangman.
Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya.
How’s adulting going for me today u ask?
Well,I just spend 20 minutes looking for my phone in my car
While using my phone as a flashlight.