@Just_Oh_Susanna: I just want to look as good as Madonna does now when I've also been dead for 27yrs.
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@Book_Krazy: *A guide to 1st dates* Thanks for coming over. Let me give you the tour. This is my bedroom. The top drawer is yours. Where are you going?
@Reverend_Scott: COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up.
@FU_TangClan: [at a restaurant] Her: I’m going with meatloaf Me: *crying* I hope you guys are happy together
@ehdannyboy: ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or