Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” has never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
“I JUST WANT TO PUT A BABY IN YOU!”
-me, trying to put a crib together
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I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight…
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a hoagie, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm, plus I am inside a lion.
How loud can you talk?
To some, it’s known as “soda.” Some call it “pop.” Some even order it as “coke” or “cola.” The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names
when will chicken evolve to the point where they hatch already coated in 11 secret yet oh so delicious herbs and spices?
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog’s poop.
Me: I just shattered the gravy boat.
911: She’ll kill you.
M: I know.
911: We never spoke.
911: Good luck
* Click *