@FunkyFresh_79
@themorris23 I wish I was as committed to anything the way infomercial actors are committed to over dramatizing their reaction to household chores.
You Might Also Like
@themorris23 
@daemonic3 BOSS: You all get 1 floating holiday
COWORKER: I’m taking Earth Day off
ME: [knowing a day on Venus is 243 Earth days] I’ll take Venus Day
@RocketRankoon You’ve won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you’ll be a transgender time traveler.
@JillBidenVeep Not pictured: Joe waiting outside the door in his karate uniform ready to spring into action.
@SteveSuckington First date:
[ok, don’t let her know you’re a cop]Her: do you come here often?
Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*
@mattZillaaaa *changes voicemail recording to “your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again
@KyleSmells me: [making a chicken salad]
chicken: thanks i love salad
@CutCopyPasta [Running away from home]
Me: I didn’t even know houses could run this fast!
@EndhooS [Watching boxing]
Sure bro, I watch boxing all the ti- HEY DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID?! HE JUST PUNCHED THAT GUY! SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!
@VeganZebra The time between the nurse leaving the room and the doctor entering is for exploring and trying out as many tools as possible