I just want to wear futuristic clothes & run up to people, ask them what year it is and the date and run away screaming “There’s still time”

You Might Also Like


According to the Internet:

Xbox One
– $500.
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– DRM.

– Cures cancer.


[Central Park]

Me: the squirrels have been busy collecting nuts for the winter

Also me: can someone help me get down from this tree


A fun game to play when you’re lonely is “passing the ball from your imaginary husband to your imaginary child”


Kid: Dad, what does ironic mean?

Dad: Well son, when 2 people decide to get married on Independence Day…..


H: How’s your day?
M: Just about to wine down.
H: You mean wind?
M: nope


The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.


I was having a political fight with someone on Twitter while my dog was out back barking at the wind.

Then we switched.


“Sir, are you interested in the satellite radio upgrade?”

…uhhhh, for driving in space?