According to the Internet:
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– Cures cancer.
I just want to wear futuristic clothes & run up to people, ask them what year it is and the date and run away screaming “There’s still time”
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Me: What are you doing?
My 6yo: [buttering the piano] Nothing.
Me: the squirrels have been busy collecting nuts for the winter
Also me: can someone help me get down from this tree
Found my cat’s phone, just hundreds of photos of me sleeping. Weird.
A fun game to play when you’re lonely is “passing the ball from your imaginary husband to your imaginary child”
Kid: Dad, what does ironic mean?
Dad: Well son, when 2 people decide to get married on Independence Day…..
H: How’s your day?
M: Just about to wine down.
H: You mean wind?
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I was having a political fight with someone on Twitter while my dog was out back barking at the wind.
Then we switched.
“Sir, are you interested in the satellite radio upgrade?”
…uhhhh, for driving in space?