In hell u have to go hot tubbing with all the people who show up in the “people you may know” section of facebook
I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie.
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If I were a rapper I’d write a lyric like “Get money, make cupcakes. Must be winter ‘cuz I be frosting,” and my pseudonym would be One-Zee.
My dogs: Get up and feed us.
Me: It’s Saturday. We don’t need to be up yet.
My dogs: Don’t make us get the cat…
MOB BOSS: I think we have a rat
ME: *writing* I’ll pick up some traps and cheese
MOB BOSS: not that kind of rat, you idiot, one that likes to talk
ME: ohhh got it *crosses out cheese and writes in podcast*
Best courtroom exchange ever.
My kid told her teacher that we were late because her Mom had to poop and I see why some animals eat their young.
‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’
Are you Eminem?
Let’s find out…
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.