@Muath_tu: I knock some sense into people with a hammer.
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@Abusitron: Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*
@KeetPotato: me: [whispers] "don't tell my wife i made bacon in the toaster" my wife: [getting out car] "what the hell happened?!" all 6 firemen: "he made bacon in the toaster"
@HousewifeOfHell: An enterprising neighborhood kid started a business to fill in all those grownup coloring books for us. I feel more relaxed already.