@TheBoydP

I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I do laundry “my way”.

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@suecorvette

Dumbo sounds like a good idea until you think about how much poop a flying elephant would drop

@SondraDeeMe

If you have more than 4 kids I automatically refer to you as a hoarder.

@RandomRamblr

Ghost hunters use special cameras made specifically for taking soulfies.

@HorryPuttor

“Your password is weak”

You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love
Or friendship
And I feel sorry for you

@WalkingOutside

My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.

@CindyMeakin

Well, I’m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.

@skittle624

State Farm
Like a good neighbor, stay on your side of the yard, pretend I’m not there, and let’s have as little interaction as possible.

@Oshungurl

Politics isn’t confusing. You have a choice of being screwed by one of two gorillas and one is considerate enough to use lube. Now choose.