welcome to janurary 32nd everyone
I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks
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I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Using self-checkout lane so I don’t have to interact with anyone.
Scans first item.
Register: … “Please wait for assistance.”
I am aware that smoking will kill me, please explain to me again how you’ll live forever
I just accidentally read “Federal” as “Feral” and it made zero difference to the article.
My husband just announced he cleaned the bathroom.
In related news, my husband doesn’t know the definition of either “clean” or “bathroom.”
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
~What is your sin, child?
My husband and I are arguing
~That’s very common.
…about my boyfriend.
interviewer: any interests outside of work
me: war and space documentaries
mom: he means star wars
me: mom stay in the car
Heck is a place where people go if they don’t believe in gosh
According to my current parking spot I’m a physician