Apparently, “I understand why some animals eat their young,” is not a socially acceptable answer when someone asks you how you’re doing. Whatever.
I know this social distancing is hard for people – it’s new – it’s difficult and lonely…
If Sasquatch can do it…
So can you…
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1.) Buy 35 coats
2.) Goto the movie theatre
3.) Put a coat on every chair in the row
The most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard:
“MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!”
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*throws $100 worth of coins in the wishing well* I wish I was better with money
How to make pasta:
-Put what you think couldn’t possibly be too much pasta in the pot.
-Start an Italian restaurant.
Son: Daddy are we poor?
Me: *scraping his macaroni art into stove pan* Did your mother tell you that?
A banana republic is just a regular republic that’s happy to see you.
Me: I think that’s Dave
Wife: It’s not Dave
Me: Gonna wave to him
Me: Hey Dave!
Auctioneer: New bidder at $80,000
Me: It’s not Dave
“Dad can we get a puppy?”
“No but we can get a submarine if you like?”
[2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific]
“dad I should be at school”