@electrolemon: i know this website has poisoned my brain because an earthquake just shook my bedroom, and mid-quake my very first thought was “oh boy, here come the tweets”
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@AmericanGent69: Men don’t use the Internet. Don’t believe me women? Go check your man’s search history. Guarantee it’s empty.
@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
@Aredubbleyou: I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work.