The World: “It is officially impossible for any of this to make less sense than it does now.”
McCain: “Hold my alligator.”
“I know you don’t wanna move so I said the realtor was coming today just to see if you’d try to ruin it”
[in kitchen dressed as ghost] I see
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A concept so foreign, Angelina Jolie tries to adopt it.
luke: *tips hat* waterwalker
jesus: *tips hat* skywalker
It’s the last month of school, here are 97 activities in the middle of the day parents need to attend.
Watched Full House for not even a full minute & now I’m white with a credit score of 720
Back in my day, ketchup only came in glass bottles. I’m grateful for the life lessons it taught me; most problems can easily be solved with patience or a knife.
Just saw a fly on my flight and all I could think was what a lazy piece of shit.
This morning I brushed my hair with an American Girl doll brush because, apparently, she is the only one in my house who puts things back where they belong.
Lavender is my latest aromatherapy love, but it’ll be awhile before anything makes me forget about rubber cement.
[Watching Alien: Resurrection]
Me: *skeptical* Not buying it.