I know you’re not supposed to hug the old lady giving out samples at Costco, but the sausage she gave me had cheese inside. Cheese.In.Side.

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how terrible do you think Maria von Trapp’s life had to be that she included “doorbells” on her list of favorite things


I always allow adequate time between workouts to fully recover. I’m going on four years now since my last gym session.


Your Bio says you like music. That’s amazing. Seems like everybody else around here hates music. Kindred spirits, you and I.


I’m sorry your wife touches the elf on the shelf more than you.


in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times


Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.


When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous.


Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those.


Two. I have 2 kids.


interviewer: what’s your greatest strength
me: you tell me
interviewer: delegating?
me: that’s right