@DranoRaul: I learned two important lessons today. I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
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@TheMichaelRock: Some guy told me I wasn't funny today, so I punched him in his face because nobody likes liars.
@sonictyrant: therapist: you keep hearing cartoon rabbits? me: yeah, i think it's updoc therapist: ehhhh what's updoc? me: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN
@shawnspree: My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.
@zachreinert03: Reporter got asked about any survivors of a plane crash & said 'its up in the air'. Dude if it was up in the air we wouldn't be in this mess