Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it?
Asking for a friend
I let people know that I’m no weirdo. I say “I’m no weirdo!” From that point forward, it’s just a matter of keeping my mouth off their pets.
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I walk around in public saying “wait for me guys” so everyone thinks I have friends.
I always use a short cut when I’m going to knife fight a midget.
Meat Loaf, Korn, Limp Bizkit, The Cranberries and the Smashing Pumpkins should go on a Thanksgiving Dinner Tour.
If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news.
New sheets new sheets watcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when I sleep in you
People who did a better job than Daenerys tonight:
-The Night King
-Sleepytime nap boy “I’m ‘warging’“ Bran
-The White Walker who ran after the book that Arya threw in the library
I tried to explain Pokémon to my 4-year-old.
After hearing myself say it out loud, I’m pretty sure I ruined both of our childhoods.
I want my kids to know they can always talk to me about anything going on in their lives.
MATH TEACHER: what is half of thirty