The elderly almost never expect a leg sweep.
I like a good strong woman. But I prefer them not to be named Olga and bench press me in front of my friends.
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Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling.
I get it crossfitters, if I did that I’d be angry, too.
The word “Caesar” has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.
People who leave their underwear at parks are either awesome at sex or terrible at dressing raccoons.
ME: I’d like a free burrito
CHIPOTLE CASHIER: Sir, it’s buy 1 get 1 free
ME: Right [points to stranger] that guy just bought one
Turn off autocorrect?
I’m going to throw up in my cat’s bed and see how she likes it
He who must not be selfied.
HOW TO DIAGNOSE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
1) It’s not very hard