@tweetsvisual: I like a good strong woman. But I prefer them not to be named Olga and bench press me in front of my friends.
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@xLiserx: BF: Come over. Let's do sex. Me: I'm tired. BF: I have tacos. Me: It's late. Brendan Fraser: I won't make you watch my movies. Me: On my way
@KellyMeldrum: Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
@bourgeoisalien: In lieu of kissing a stranger at midnight on new year's eve, throat punch them instead. let's send a clear message to 2018 we're done taking this shit