I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks

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You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.


Girls need strong female role models may I suggest Godzilla she is a strong, confident woman that fights for justice and also breathes fire


if i were a cab driver, i’d scream “ROAD TRIP” every time i got a passenger


Hey whatcha eating?
“A pluot”
Wtf is a pluot?
“A cross between a plum & an apricot”
That’s really stupid.
*rides off on a liger*


“Boss, I’ve got a probl-”

“There are no such things as problems, only opportunities”

“Oh, ok. I’ve got a serious drinking opportunity”


This stray cat on my balcony is looking at me like I’m invading its privacy.


“Neighbor”- person next door
“Neigh! Brrrr!!” – cold horse ūüôĀ


I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.