Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@slaughthie

You breed dogs? Don’t they do that on their own?

@fa_que2

You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.

@pleatedjeans

Girls need strong female role models may I suggest Godzilla she is a strong, confident woman that fights for justice and also breathes fire

@tarashoe

if i were a cab driver, i’d scream “ROAD TRIP” every time i got a passenger

@Brampersandon_

Hey whatcha eating?
“A pluot”
Wtf is a pluot?
“A cross between a plum & an apricot”
That’s really stupid.
*rides off on a liger*

@0point5twins

“Boss, I’ve got a probl-”

“There are no such things as problems, only opportunities”

“Oh, ok. I’ve got a serious drinking opportunity”

@LoneWolfStories

This stray cat on my balcony is looking at me like I’m invading its privacy.

@Home_Halfway

“Neighbor”- person next door
“Neigh! Brrrr!!” – cold horse 🙁

@SonOfCha

I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.