2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*
Me: She has a baby in her tummy.
2: *whispering* She ate it.
I like horror movies because it’s the only place insanely hot people are treated poorly
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I’m not to thrilled with our solar system.
I rate it one star..
Is a red headed Ninja called a Ginja?
I’m eating quinoa for lunch so I better wake up skinny tomorrow because I’m not doing this again
*licks the powdered sugar off the donuts and puts them back*
Boss: I kinda like these new low-cal donuts. Real moist.
I’m a single dad of 2 pre-teens so naturally at times there are talks of running away; but I don’t
In the 17th century, villagers would burn down entire neighborhoods to combat diseases such as bubonic plague, typhus, and gluten.
A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.
Woah!!! You’re a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!
A colleague asked me “what’s wrong?”, and that’s a month of her life she won’t get back!