Ok guys, I have 28 minutes to kill before I casually need to respond to a text message.
i like how at the end of old movies it says ‘the end’ so you arent horrorstruck by the thought of a fictional universe persisting unobserved
You Might Also Like
[noticing that the girl i’m talking to at the bar is wearing a ring] I see you’ve won a super bowl
Fact: The best tuna fish salad recipe is the combination of ingredients that best covers up the taste of the tuna.
This country is bonkers. Toilet paper: gone. Bottled water: sold out. And yet nobody else thought to stock up on the single most important thing. Good luck now suckers! Ya snooze ya lose
My mom regularly mentions that I was a large baby
I turn 25 in two weeks
Jesus take the wheel. No that’s a book. A penny. A rock. DAMMIT JESUS DIDN’T YOU TAKE THAT ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE CLASS I RECOMMENDED
No, actually I’d love to hear about last night’s episode of that show I just told you I don’t watch
[spider confronting me]
him: yo did you steal my coat?
me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine
No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.