[on a date]
*wonders if she’ll steal my fries while I use the restroom*
*shakes Magic 8 ball*
*takes plate of fries with me*
I like men who play hard to get.
So when my Fiancé called off the wedding and started dating my Brother, I knew he was the one for me.
You Might Also Like
Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?
The slowest swimmer.
The male version of pamphlets are jimphlets, thank you for your time
finally, the ants are going to rise up and claim their rightful place as masters of this wretched planet
*Wife thumps door*
“I KNOW UR IN THERE! U BLEW OUR SAVINGS ON A SHITTY INVENTION, DIDN’T U?!”
NO! *furiously flushes 1000s of dog-tampons*
My husband says I’m addicted to spending money on pointless things. So I bought him a Llama to cheer him up.
There is a ‘you can kill them if you catch them within a minute’ rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that.
Just hired 2 private detectives to follow each other. I’ll keep you guys posted.
Me: kinda feels like Mickey Mouse hasn’t done anything in a while
Me: like we all know who he is, but
Obama: but he’s not relevant enough to be The Face Of Disney™
Me: relevance, that’s the word I was looking for