@offbeatoliv: I like my coffee like my men...not in my colon...
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@JohnLyonTweets: Me: It’s sweet how my cat sits on my chest to comfort me when I’m sick in bed. Cat: I think I’ll eat the eyes first.
@FiannMacFool: Sociophobia is the fear of friends. Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.
@internetluke: [wife explaining to me how deaths in movies work] So the actors really don't die? "No" So is Abraham Lincoln really not dead? *she sighs*