@djdarrellripley Her: I’ve heard a lot about your lovemaking.
Me: Oh, your embarrassing me, really Its nothing.
Her: That’s what I heard…
@crunchenhanced I like my women how I like my microwaved food.
Hot as hell on the outside and cold as ice on the inside.
You Might Also Like
@djdarrellripley 
@haleyyyy1711 Football would actually be entertaining of each team was allowed one bear.
@RightHandVAN How you gonna accidentally send an inbound missile warning to everyone in Hawaii by “pressing the wrong button”? I had to click “are you sure you want to do this”, verify my thumbprint, and solve an algebra equation just to unsubscribe from the Mr. Belvedere fan club newsletter.
@JoParkerBear [in bed]
Him: What are you thinking?
Me: (blushing) I don’t wanna say
Him: You can tell me
Me: I wish I knew more about campaign finance law
@John_M15 The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
@longwall26 “Whatcha inventing?”
“I call it a picnic. It’s a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack.”
“Can I bring my kids?”
“Sure.”
@KateWhineHall I cleaned off the top of my desk so I’d feel like I accomplished something. Now I just have to clean up the floor where I threw everything.
@SvnSxty *first day as a firefighter*
I don’t think this place is open for lunch, it’s on fire
@bacon_gillepic No intelligent people were harmed in the reading of this tweet
@portmanteauface [getting carded]
21: awesome bro, I got this
30: seriously? whatever
35: this is really getting old
40: WILL YOU MARRY ME