22 y.o. male seeks woman who will kill spiders for him. Will do sex if required, but mostly please kill spiders
I like to imagine Supreme Court is just like regular court but with tomatoes and sour cream.
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If your name is Otis you are either an adorable dog or the town drunk there is no in between
[me narrating a documentary on urchins] “look at these boring moist porcupines”
When I die, please put my dead body on a roller coaster but don’t buckle me in
I’m starting to wonder if I really am the ideal size and weight to test the town catapult or if the other townsfolk simply don’t like me.
I’m glad it’s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.
Added some new forms of payment to this store…
Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya.
Me: The brake pads breaked.
Me: The broke pads breaked.
I’m not trying to seduce you, I’m just very bad at eating