@dreamthievin

I like to imagine Supreme Court is just like regular court but with tomatoes and sour cream.

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@patrickhogan91

22 y.o. male seeks woman who will kill spiders for him. Will do sex if required, but mostly please kill spiders

@sophielou

If your name is Otis you are either an adorable dog or the town drunk there is no in between

@matt___nelson

[me narrating a documentary on urchins] “look at these boring moist porcupines”

@Ygrene

When I die, please put my dead body on a roller coaster but don’t buckle me in

@NamestartswithZ

I’m starting to wonder if I really am the ideal size and weight to test the town catapult or if the other townsfolk simply don’t like me.

@NASHterpiece

I’m glad it’s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the shit I should be doing.

@leslid79

Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya.

@geowizzacist

Me: The brake pads breaked.

Mechanic: Broke.

Me: The broke pads breaked.