@ManJuggs: I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker's crotch. If she flinches, I know it's a dude.
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@dmc1138: Friend: “Any plans this weekend?” Me: “I’m going to Alcoholics Unanimous.” Friend: “I think you mean ‘Anonymous’.” Me: “Nope.”
@Sam_Posts: 18-22 is a confusing age. I got friends getting married, some in prison, and some still have to ask their parents to stay out past curfew.
@squirrel74wkgn: *pounding on her chest* DON'T DIE ON ME KAREN! *pounds harder* (sobbing) BREATHE DAMMIT! CPR instructor: Ok, so that was wrong.
@goodballs: Call me crazy but you can't follow, star, retweet, and trophy me and then act surprised when I show up to your house in a wedding dress.