I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder

You Might Also Like


Some Olympians have been training since they were 5.

I’m hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.


If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That’s why I work at Burger King.


I have two feelings in Ramadan, it’s either “I’m hungry” or “I shouldn’t have eaten this much”


[Trying to impress a cute girl with glasses]

HER: So what kind of car do you drive?

ME: A bookmobile.


Well, son, back in my day, we didn’t have a fancy robot to turn the tv on for us. We only had a boomerang.


Me: “Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?”
My Brain: “Let’s start an alphabetized list categorized by subject and severity, and when we run out of letters we’ll use numbers, and then hold on I should be writing this down”


JOHN LENNON: Love is all you need
ME: This guy knows what it’s all about
JOHN LENNON: I am the egg man coo coo ca chu
ME: OK scratch that


*bullies advance*
STOP! Im a black belt in Shaq Fu!

*detectives arrive*
Jesus, were these heads slam-dunked? Where r the bodies?


*buys Sushi for Dummies*
*preheats oven*
*reads first page of Sushi for Dummies*
*turns off oven*


If you’re filling a glass up and stop halfway, it’s half full. If you’re emptying a glass and stop halfway, it’s half empty.
You’re welcome