@sixfootcandy: I like to yell “Stranger danger!”whenever my boss introduces me to a new client.
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@2thestreetz: If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?
@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs
@Ideal_Victoria: [At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?
@tweetsvisual: I like a good strong woman. But I prefer them not to be named Olga and bench press me in front of my friends.