Um, products that have seals that read, “Do not use if seal is missing,” how are we supposed to know that a seal is missing if it’s missing?
I live in constant fear that my kids will grasp the concept of time at any moment. And all my parenting lies will be found out.
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Twitter yesterday: We are outraged about the lion!
Twitter today: We are outraged about the outrage about the lion!
RT if you are my car keys and I can’t find you
Be the reason they create new laws.
Movie Trivia: Cloverfield was just Khloe Kardashian on a shopping trip in New York
ME: *using a ouija board* Are there any spirits here?
OUIJA BOARD: No.
ME: I don’t believe you.
OUIJA BOARD: That seems like a you problem.
went down to city hall to get married and they said I have to provide my own husband? explain to me why I pay taxes
Secret Santa is very disappointing if you’re self-employed.
There are so many people outside, and so much yelling, and I genuinely genuinely don’t know if it’s a murder or a rare Pokemon.