I love how Simba acts upset when Mufasa dies as if he didn’t just do a choreographed musical number called “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King”.

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If Ben Affleck played Daredevil and Batman does that mean that he’s blind as a bat?


I have to wonder why we have “non-essential” government employees in the first place.


Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion and says he’s Bob Marley reincarnated, proving you can actually overdose on marijuana.


Harry Potter at an interview

Interviewer: It says here you defeated Lord Voldemort when you were 17 years-old.
Harry: That’s correct, sir.
Interviewer: But no experience with Excel. Wow.


What idiot called it “learning to be patient” and not “gaining wait”?


My 4yo heard me say my shoulders were hurting and offered to give me a massage. She proceeded to punch and poke me a few times and then said “all done”. And honestly, I’ve paid for worse.


ok i’m just gonna say it… it seems petty that money comes out of my account every *single* time i buy something. give me a break


There’s nothing to stop you from whispering “I’m in!” like a hacker when you enter your own email password.