Lauren’s coming over.
“Lauren from work or the one who pretends to be a Dr?”
Lauren: Sorry I’m late, I removed a gooblyglop from a dinkis.
I love how we have a big tv so my 3 kids can crowd around the tiny iPad and argue over not being able to see.
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Lack of milkshakes may cause lack of bladder control.
Still trying to convince my boss that I’m just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.
There’s no attraction quite as strong as tomato sauce & a white shirt
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
[going to the moon]
Co-astronaut: and 3…2…1…take off!
Me: oh no
Me: I left my coffee on top of the rocket
When asked about performing in a musical for Andrew Lloyd Webber, Meatloaf was quoted as saying “Oh I would do anything for Lloyd, but I won’t do Cats!”
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Things the GOP has battled this week:
The last time I twisted the night away it resulted in two law suits and a medicare plan.