I am pleased to report that the spider I felt on my neck that caused me to nearly drop the baby was, in fact, my shirt tag.
I love sundress season, the way they occasionally and oh so tantalisingly waft up, revealing the treasures hidden beneath. But yes officer, I promise to wear underwear in future.
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There are two types of people in this world:
1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once
Bible Study with my dad when i was kid:
“But Papa, why is having frogs everywhere such a bad thing?”
*Talking about 10 plagues of Eygpt*
Beer makes me feel invincible.
Vodka makes me feel innvienceablrerrer.
I’m as clever as the person who named bagpipes
Coworker: That’s a stupid song
Me: Your face is stupid
Coworker: Way to be mature
Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
Woke up in middle of night to write down something pressing and important.
“Some form of ancient mop”.
Literally my professional life
I’m so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I’d assume it was because I spilled something on it
I’m working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.