@meganamram

I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though

I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though

- @meganamram

You Might Also Like

@isabelzawtun

*walks outside to see an abandoned post-apocalyptic desert, humanity wiped out, no one to be seen*
“Ugh the ONE day my hair looks perfect”

@TheToddWilliams

“As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?”

MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he’s getting rid of China

@Reverend_Scott

Cop: Know why I stopped you?

You didn’t, the brakes did.

Cop: But do you know why?

Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot?

Cop: Get out.

@KentWGraham

Told my wife “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” and now she’s not mad, she’s furious.

@jnrbtsn

If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it’s awkward.

@TheMichaelRock

I’m straight, but I’m not “wouldn’t spoon with George Clooney” straight.

@Danny_McH2O

Kids, no one will ever understand you like your high school love. Get pregnant and marry them right away. You know better than everyone.

@TheMichaelRock

The best part about being a grown-up is not having to answer to ANYONE!

(What’s that, honey? Be right there.)

@goldengateblond

Watch ‘Titanic’ backwards and it’s the feel-good story of a ship that rescues a bunch of drowning swimmers and takes them on a dream cruise.