@dumbbeezie: (at the gym). Hey can somebody spot me while I walk up the stairs?

@The_Grant_Boldt: God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]

@_odlanyeR: Single by choice, just not my choice. Damn you, 19th amendment!

@trevso_electric: Real House Wines.

@Pat_Bren: "I'm not really a big dog person." - lying werewolf