*uses blood from wounds to write my killer’s name on the floor*
I…will be…avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON’T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!
I love when people complain about other people’s kids like other people’s grown ups aren’t way worse
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THE GUY WHO INVENTED FIREWORKS: i’m gonna kill god.
Norman Bates: I got you flowers, Mother.
Norman Bates dressed as her: Oh I love them.
If you stop at a yellow light I’m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
“This tofu tastes like chicken.”
No one believes you dude.
My 11 now wants to borrow clothes from my closet.
Either she has great taste in clothing at an early age…or I dress like a tween.
I can never remember if my best foot is supposed to go forward or in my mouth.
It’s true. Parents that use drugs, have kids that use drugs. So, there’s an important lesson here…
Don’t have kids.
WATSON: Here’s the weird thing. There’s only one set of footprints.
SHERLOCK [smokes pipe and squints]: That means God was carrying the suspect.
She’s one of a kind. Like an instagram sunset