I love Yahoo Answers because no matter how bizarre my question, someone in the world has already thought of it. And thats really comforting.
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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said “Die, Decepticons! Die!”
the three genders
Weird old lady in the elevator complimented my thongs. I was disgusted. Hours later that I realized she was talking about my sandals.
“The Perfect Relationship”
‘Worcestershire’ sounds like the most awful shire a Hobbit could possibly live.
[steps off crosstrainer]
“Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I’m fitn–”
“Shall I call an ambulance?”
“Please.”
You know who brings a knife to a gun fight?
Cannibals.
And also a fork.
Me: and then I visited ancient Egypt
1-up Carl: well I’m going next year so it will be even more ancient then
Me: shit
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
– My stages of getting ready for work
yeah st. louis has some weird eating habits but did you know that when you ask for pizza in chicago they give you lasagna
I’m not like other girls. I am Mothman.
INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us
ME: yes…why do i want this job
INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]
Last night I was walking Bizzy, and a friendly stranger asked how old she was. When I told him, he said: “She don’t walk like she’s 15 though!!!” I…I think he catcalled my dog?
Ok 1st off, who exactly is “we” in “we have to go on a diet”, and more importantly, why is there salad on the plate where my food should be.
How to lose weight:
1. Name your kid Weight
2. Take it to the mall
If you go to Hell for laughing during prayer, my family will burn for eternity.
Pizza won’t solve your problems but you gotta try something.
Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put “who rescued who?” stickers on your car… you drive me crazy!
Clearly it’s “who rescued whom?”
(Couples therapy)
-Listen to me, buying matching bagels isn’t going to help
*Throws up some gang signs*
*stabs self in eye with salad fork*Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down.
graphic design students be like i have a alphabet due on friday
I’m getting tired of always having to slowly raise my hand every time someone angrily asks, “Who does something like that?!”
I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Me: What’s your favorite book?
Date: War and Peace
Me: *mouth full of McNuggets* No, you can only choose one
I wonder what ppl in the year 78 BC thought C stood for.
“HR says I’m not allowed to play horseshoes in the hallway anymore. They say it’s dangerous and it alarms the tenants on the floor below.”
“HR? You don’t have a job.”
“Tell them that.”
Prisoner: You inked
Me: *thinking about my “I hate prisoners” back tattoo* No why
ME: in closing, all of the facts I’ve presented today prove that Bush did 911
PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written
GOD: u wanna go back to earth?
JESUS: why
GOD: to absolve man of sin
JESUS: ehh
GOD: you’d get two birthdays
JESUS: let me get my coat