Can’t believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn’t using the slogan “Once you go black, you don’t go back.”
“I love you and I will always keep you safe.”
DAUGHTER: What about bees?
“I love you and I will sometimes keep you safe.”
You Might Also Like
Me: *gets comfortable*
Life: Just one more thing …
Pretty excited about making a huge Thanksgiving feast so my daughter can eat a roll.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room
After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score.
Man: Welcome to Mystery Club
Guy: What’s it for?
M: No one’s sure of that
[suddenly Guy’s head gets clubbed]
M: Or when that’ll happen
Oscillating fans are for people that want to be cool every 5-7 seconds.
Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats.
this one has claws
This one swims but can’t fly
This one is huge & runs funny
This one bangs his head against trees
– god making birds